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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and milestones, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who took the rest room rather too directly, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|