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The schedule for the John F. Kennedy Center in Washington shows a fun dual-language show and an improvised theatrical troupe. Curiously missing from the advertised line-up is Friday's FIFA World Cup draw, presumably because it is a strictly private affair. Organizers appear determined to avoid any unwanted guests from gaining entry at what threatens to be an drawn-out, self-congratulatory procession where well-paid dignitaries will doubtlessly parrot the old cliche that "football unites the world."

An A-List Line-Up

A glamorous ceremony is due to be emceed by television personality Heidi Klum together with small-statured US comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the star power will be American football legend Eli Manning on red-carpet details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roving correspondent. Together, they will host a ceremony that will certainly have British football fans nostalgic for yearning for the halcyon, pomp-free days of former managers, Sir Bert Millichip, the FA tombola and a trusty velvet bag of wooden, numbered balls.

Set to last the thick end of three grueling hours, the event will feature a lengthy agenda of lengthy speeches, saccharine video montages, approved jokes, famous faces, musical turns from acts with perhaps no embarrassment or enormous tax bills, and then... at last, the real World Cup draw.

Sporting Legends on Ceremony Detail

Among those helping to carrying out the draw? NBA legend Shaquille O'Neal, ice hockey great Wayne Gretzky, NFL star Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all selecting balls under the watchful eye of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Considering the considerable, deep well of charisma exhibited by these ageing sporting icons, barring an uniformed snatch-squad storming the ceremony, it's difficult to envision what could potentially go wrong.

In reality, very little, if the tone-deaf defence of FIFA's widely reported World Cup ticket price-gouging offered by an obsequious English yes-man is any kind of indicator. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more accessible for non-millionaires, the response was non-committal. "In my view we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are definitely an organization that are conscious of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every industry, every sector, we could have that discussion about things," it was noted. The implication seemed to be that premium costs are justified when compared with other luxury goods.

The Main Event

With 42 countries already qualified for next summer's tournament and six more due to join, there will be a real feeling of giddiness once the opening acts conclude and the main draw begins. While fans across the globe wait with bated breath to see which three nations their own country will play in the group stages, the anticipation pales in comparison to that which precedes the announcement of the recipient of FIFA's first-ever award for peace for "people who help bring together people in peace through steadfast dedication and notable actions." Given that the draw is in the US capital and the tournament is primarily in the United States, guesses about the winner are widespread, even if the clues are apparent.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was speaking to the chairman today. My relationship with him is very strong really. I have a real transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my job in that sense I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever" – a statement from a manager whose side in the midst of a five-match winless run, offering a textbook quote-that-will-definitely-get-resurfaced should changes occur in the future.

Readers' Letters

• "Further to the discussion of a potential club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at Fulham who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be asked to purchase a lower league club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to local games in the past, when the opponent was 'Keith', a common jest was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as redundant as an extra official."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's Global Tombola: just what catchy ditty will a famous group come up with if a certain individual refuses to leave the stage, requiring an encore?"