🔗 Share this article

Sometimes, Jay Spring feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you’re like, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually followed by a “emotional downturn”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his conduct, making him particularly vulnerable to criticism from those around him. He first suspected he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits online – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. Yet, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment if he hadn’t already reached that conclusion personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they harbor beliefs of dominance. They operate in an altered state that they’ve built up. And that world is like, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, the meaning can be ambiguous what the term implies the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people conceal it, as there is significant negative perception linked to the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like seeking admiration,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Although up to 75% of people identified as having the condition are males, studies indicates this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the covert form, which is under-identified. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be somewhat tolerated, as with everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who discusses her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. It is not uncommon, the two disorders appear together.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and being turned down,” she shares, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I either go into a defensive state or I completely shut down.” Despite having this reaction – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she notes she and her current boyfriend “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mainly in the care of her father and says she lacked positive role models in her youth. “I’ve been learning all this time what is acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because I never had that in my formative years,” she comments. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were insulting me in my early years.”

Origins of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” notes a mental health specialist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “tied to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He didn’t think loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, finds it hard to manage mood stability. She is “highly empathetic of the internal struggles in my head”, he says – it was actually she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Subsequent to a consultation to his general practitioner, John was referred to a therapist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for talking therapy via government-funded care (extended treatment is the primary approach that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: It was indicated it is likely to occur in a few months.”

John has only told a few individuals about his condition, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is positive,” he comments. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the diagnosis. But the growth of NPD content creators and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number